I am sorry for my absence from the blogosphere. I am still puter-less and have been ill. During the interim, sexist shit is still happening everyday. Surprise? Now that it is Friday, I have had more than my fill, and I am pissed off. As Eve Ensler would say, “My vagina is ANGRY!”

Let’s talk about pet names – honey, mama, baby, sweetheart, boo, darling, babycakes, father farter, smoochy buckets, babe, love, gorgeous, angel, sugar, muffin, pumpkin, mac daddy, sweet pea, sweetums, hot cakes, stud muffin, Italian stallion, pudding, kitty, pookie, princess, peaches, Tarzan, Jane, tub of flub, lover, baby doll, my little cabbage, dearest, pearl, precious, gem, hubby, wifey, light of my life, object of my affection, buttercup, chica, tootsie, one and only, valentine, dove, dreamboat, heartthrob, lovebird, smoochy, shnookums, goddess, Don Juan, sugar lips, or whatever is your weapon of choice.

In case this isn’t obvious, these are not appropriate for strangers and sometimes not even for your partner. You may be thinking “duh,” but people apparently do not know this. Men of the world, it is not a compliment nor is it attractive for you to call a stranger any of these! In fact, women are going to tell each other “:eww” and talk about you as soon as you turn your back or leave the room.

In fact, I just had an old man (while I was at work) tell me “thanks, baby.” The first thing I did beside cringe was tell one of my fellow co-workers. We get this all the time… and we do not like it. It is creepy and insulting. Yes, you can be a creeper over the phone, even if you are elderly. Not to mention, we are doing our jobs in a professional environment at the #1 hospital in New York. Give us some respect, if for nothing else than putting up with your nasty, creepy asses. My mother did not write a pet name in my underwear. She called me “Lisa” (or one of my siblings’/dog’s name as parents often do.” Note: my dog’s name is Libby so it is actually the closest to my name.)

Men are not the only ones guilty of this. Women also do this. If you are a sweet old lady and call me “dear” or “honey,” that is slightly inappropriate but not outrageous. If you are a woman under 70 and call a stranger “mama,” this gives me the heeby-geebies. I am definitely not your mama… I need the allure of this word explained to me. Anyway, no matter your sex nor the target’s age, it is not appropriate to use pet names.

Beside the creeper/inappropriate factor, you are infantilizing  and/or sexualizing people. You are calling an individual who is/wants to be independent and respected a name which you call infants. Without realizing it, many people are treating and condescending others as if they are still babies. You do not call someone that you respect sugar, honey buns, mama, etc.; you call them by their names and titles. After all, it is the polite, respectful thing to do. Regardless of gender or age, everyone deserves that courtesy. A lot of pet names, including a myriad of ones I did not list, are sexual. Instead of recognizing someone for their intellect, talents, or abilities, you are recognizing them on the characteristics that you value in their gender, not on their individuality. Men calling a woman sexy or beautiful is merely them recognizing a female based on her appearance, a.k.a. what they value in the opposite sex. Through addressing solely these physical characteristics, this woman is devalued and reduced to less than a human being. Instead, she is only something to look at… like a painting. She is a grown woman with her own thoughts, goals, and mind. When was the last time you heard “smarty pants” used in an affectionate way?

In relationships/dating, I am always thrown off guard when my partner calls me a pet name randomly. If you start doing this without asking or way too early in the friendship/relationship/courtship, you are getting the axe. You ask me before or you do not respect me. I am not going to call you “Italian stallion” in front of your bros randomly; so do not call me _____ randomly. This example lends two additional issues that are problematic with pet names in relationships. First, they should be reserved for private. Contrary to my preferences, M.I.T. linguists have found that pet names increase the longevity and passion of a relationship. Intimacy and trust can develop through a couple’s private, personal language, including pet names, according to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Still, these studies indicate that pillow talk and pet names should be kept private, between two individuals in a mutual relationship. However, these studies fail to exam when pet names become manipulation or a sign of an unhealthy relationship. The use of pet names for your partner in public is a tool of validation among peers. You are demonstrating your claim/possession of your partner. Plus, everyone else is going to be annoyed by your verbal displays of affection. Pet names can also mask problems that should be communicated and addressed in relationships. If you associate the pet name you’re called  with affection, love, and admiration, you may overlook your partner’s irritation or true feelings.

Ultimately, pet names are intended for… pets. Names such as Pookie are appropriate for toy poodles or your pocket puppy. Using pet names for anyone else (in public, I suppose) is demeaning — either infantizing, sexualizing, or sexist.